Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
