dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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