I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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