I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just high enough for therapy.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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