I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
