It's Friday. Sex?
My hand turned me down
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
