My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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