Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize