i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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