Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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