i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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