there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
