Your mouth is God's brothel.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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