I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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