to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
foreskin is a definite game changer
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
