chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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