so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
