Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
