I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
