Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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