somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
