If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
