my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
