I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize