I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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