So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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