hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
