Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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