the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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