Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
