A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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