People in love make me want to vomit
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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