I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
