Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i used baking grease as lip gloss
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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