In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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