I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
