Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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