What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
