If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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