break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
