He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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