i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
