I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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