you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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