So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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