is wine microwaveable?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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