I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
