Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
That reminds me...we need to get swords
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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