I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
