Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it's like heaven, but drunker
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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