How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
