AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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