I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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