awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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