2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
