I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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