I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
PANTIES FOUND
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