So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize