After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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