I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
