no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
