wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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