You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The struggles of a small town man whore
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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