You're so nebulous sometimes
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
