Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
