If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
be right there i have to get my cape
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
