i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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