Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Vodka?
Forever.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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