the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
