Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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