You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
