So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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