Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
