I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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