You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize