yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
