I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
