im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
