Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My balls are so social today.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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