Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
