I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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