Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
