Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
