I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize