i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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