i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
