I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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