the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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