We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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