I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
