Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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