life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
