i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
