he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
