Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize