Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
