Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
