TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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