what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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